Love

So normally I don't write about my person life here as it is a place where everyone and anyone can read it, but I feel that I need to let you all in on a set of events that recently come about.

I was dating someone for a couple of months who I thought was pretty much amazing. The sun shone out this guys ass, he could do no wrong. I trusted him and opened up in ways that I normally do not. I felt deeply happy with this person and comfortable around them. Yes, I fell in love. I'm not someone who gives my heart to another freely without hesitation and I held back for a little while and realized that I was just lying to myself. And so I felt whatever I was going to feel. I was excited to see where it was going to go.

And then he broke my heart.

Usually when someone says that another person 'broke their heart' I take it with a grain of salt, and generally come to the conclusion that they're over exaggerating the situation. But frankly, there is no other way to describe how I feel. I'm not someone who normally is governed by emotions and is pretty laid back and relaxed. I don't like drama and I seek to fix emotional conflict rather than brush it off. But I felt broken. It's unfortunate those who you let closest to you are those who can hurt you the most. He gave me reasons, and I still feel angry, and hurt. The worst part is that this person who I trusted I feel I can't trust anymore.

The point of this post isn't to wallow in misery and gain attention but rather to say that I learned something from this. Some points of clarity that I have found are that when people talk about love and hearts they aren't always being melodramatic. Another thing I learned is that maybe I needed to get my heart broken. It was good to feel intensely about someone and remember what that was like. I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time and I'd lost touch with romance and my emotions. To know that I could still open up to someone and that I wasn't strange and cold was good for me.

And so I start the New Year, a little raw, but more in touch with myself.