Best Day Ever

I'd like to tell you all about the best day ever.

Here's a little background information. So you all know that I recently broke up with someone well the icing on the cake that is when we broke up I realized that I had about $500 worth of outdoor gear stored at his house. So I asked him to ship it, he agreed. Well when it came time to put the box in the mail lets just say that funds on his end ran short and he sent me a text which started off with 'since I was nice enough to let you store your things at my house'. Talked about how it wasn't his responsibility... blah blah blah. You all get the picture. Frankly, he was right, it's not his responsibility. My shit, my responsibility. BUT.... since you were nice enough to let me store stuff at your house (what?! we were together, you have a two bedroom house, I have a two door car... I'm having a hard time finding where it was such an problem but whatever.) So I offered to send money or go and get it. You guessed it, I had to go and get it.

And so that's how the best day ever started out. With a 3 hour car ride to get my stuff.

When I got there he politely asked how I was, to which I responded in very gruff fashion 'FINE!' Clearly I wasn't fine but if I had said 'I'm really feeling stressed and awkward right now and I don't really want to see you because seeing you and being here makes me feel uncomfortable' I have the feeling that would have just opened doors for more conversation, which I wasn't up for. And it's always easier to believe you will have more composure when times like this happen, apparently I overestimated myself. So I was there a grand total of about 7 minutes. I dropped off some tupperware and a coffee mug that he had let me borrow. The most amount of communicating I did was with his dog, Lupin who I do really miss. She's a sweetheart.

Next driving another 3 hours to my cousin Nathans house in Vermont. I got to stew about how terribly rude I was and how things could have gone SO MUCH BETTER if I was able to keep some level of sanity, the entire ride was like this.

Upon arrival at my cousins I notice there is a horrible smell coming from... somewhere. It's the unmistakable smell of dog poop. I check my shoes... nothing. I was really hoping that's where it was because if it wasn't it meant that the smell was coming from somewhere in the house. There are two dogs living here, Zeus the boston terrier and Apollo the lab/ golden mix. It wasn't a total surprise if I found dog poop on the floor. The dogs are crated during the day and so I could hear them getting excited upstairs, but I was on the lookout for dog poop. They were just going to have to wait. No dog poop was found. Then I went upstairs and the smell was worse up there. I found where the smell was coming from, the crate. Apollo had diarrhea and it was all over BOTH dogs. This was going to be bad.

I knew that they both had to go out immediately and then they were going to both need baths. There was nothing else I could do but open up the crate both dogs came bursting out and like all dogs that are covered in shit they jumped on me. Awesome. Now I have shitty pants. I put them both out and made sure that they were very well done with any business I was also hoping the snow would clean off their paws. Then one at a time, Zeus first, they got baths. Zues is very good in the bath. Apollo on the other hand isn't. I had to lift him into the tub consequently getting poop pretty much on all the parts of my jeans that didn't already have dog poop on them. Zeus also came in the bathroom while Apollo was being washed and just watched. His little dog expression was one of empathy for his brother, as if he were there for moral support. Both dogs left the bath much cleaner.

I also put more wood on the stove so that they could be warm while they dried off.

I then cleaned up the crate as best as I could. An entire roll of paper towels later and lots of simple green I felt I could leave the rest for my cousin. The whole crate really needs to be taken apart and scrubbed, which I really don't know how to do, nor do I want to do it.

I then took off my dog poop pants and got into some pj's, I had brought my laundry and was hoping to wash them but it wasn't that important to wash the pj pants.

Then after not a whole lot of convincing my cousin Abbie came over and with her ukulele we sang some songs about my already terrible day. I cracked my first beer as this was my plan all along to get a little inebriated to drown my stress.

I then decided that the kettle on the stove needed some water. So I took it and began to fill it up, well like a moron I forgot that adding water to a hot kettle only just makes it steam for a little while. Now I have two steam burned fingers on my right hand. The worst has a nice blister on it. That smarted.

My cousin Nathan came in and offered to put my dog poop jeans in with his work pants.

I cracked a bunch more beers and opened my mail and realized that I have been summoned for jury duty. Awesome.

I also realized I got a new phone from verizon, sweet.

I then went to bed and my fuzzy head was asleep before it even hit the pillow.

I woke up today and the smell of dog pee was all I could smell, I found where it was coming from, my pillow. So I took a shower because my hair reeked of dog pee.

After watching some Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory I decided it was time to leave and gave my cousins a hug and pet the peeing and pooping dogs on the head.

Upon entering the car I saw a bag with my ex's coffee mug, tupperware and a jar. The bag I thought I had left at his place. But nope, I left an entirely different bag at his house, full of tupperware. Frankly, he wins, the bag full of tupperware more than replaces what he had lent me. So if he ever reads this, I have your coffee mug still but keep reading and I'll keep it for the treatment of my things.

When I got home and was unloading the box that I had retrieved from my ex's house I realized that the box had gotten wet. He didn't do anything about it, or notice it. Consequently, my bedding that was inside the cardboard box is full of mold and is probably stained for life.

Best day and half ever. Not so sure I can take much more of this good luck.