Back to School

I got my boots tied tight, I got my lunch packed up, I hope I don't get in a fight... back to school... back to school

Adam Sandler, that idiotic genius of comedy got it right. Going back to school made me a little anxious too. Granted it wasn't about getting into a fight, or I guess if you were to take his quote a little further you might say that he was worried about making friends.

I wasn't really worried about making friends. I seem to be able to do that in most situations I put myself in. It might take a little longer depending on the group of people but I've never been friendless anywhere I went. The thing I was most concerned about was studying. I haven't been in school for five years. I graduated college, hit the Peace Corps, got out and bounced around, and then came back.

I know I wasn't ready to go to graduate school right out of college, I also know I would have picked a major I wasn't interested in. I considered going to graduate school right out of the Peace Corps. I thought about taking the GREs in Ghana, and then applying while still in the Peace Corps. This is what a lot of my group did. I didn't feel ready though. So I began to look for work. I couldn't not work, this was a non option. I decided that I would go home, work at the local ski mountain for the winter and then find a job more in line with my interests in the next season. Looking for work in States while I was living an ocean, and almost a hemisphere away wasn't going to happen.

I'm glad I waited. I'm glad that I sowed some wild seeds. I'm glad I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I didn't want to feel rushed or pushed into being someone I wasn't. I was still evolving and to cut the evolution of my identity short would have left me feeling vulnerable, disorientated, and probably immature. I stand by my decision to take this time, I needed to explore. I'm now entering a new form of exploration, school.

From all my wanderings I have realized that I am more invested, involved and excited to learn. I know why I'm here. After a little while of classes I've realized that studying, writing papers, and doing the reading are coming much more naturally to me the second time around than in undergrad. I have much more drive and curiosity about the subject I'm learning.

While I'm glad I took the time and knew what I wanted to do, I'm also glad I took the leap and returned. A friend of mine has been encouraging me to go back to school for years now, saying that I was too smart not to, was right in that it was a good choice for me. Being intellectually challenged has been something that's been missing in my life since leaving the Peace Corps. Maybe this is why I started reading and enjoying classic literature.  I was comforted by a thought I had last night. I was thinking about how truly happy I was to be here in this program and how school was encouraging and challenging me in ways that I needed. I'm a firm believer in fate. My next thought was, 'well I guess I'm meant to be here, doing this'.

To my readers I hope that you in your lives can take a deep breath and say to yourself 'I know that I'm meant to be where I am doing the things that make me happy.'